WCWS

UCLA, Oregon and Washington in the 8 team series.

Memorial Day

Softball WS

UCLA gets first ticket. Oregon and Washington still alive.

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Update

Good rehearsals this week.

Slow week

Zzzzz

Another gray afternoon

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Gray gray

Again. Feeling under weather. No energy.

Moon

... from window, setting.

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Yep

Back to normal

Gray damp chilly sucks weather. Portland.

Bread for my cousin

Photo by Robin Deemer

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Poem

I love living
on a day like this
filled with sun
filled with warmth
a perfect day
to count my blessings.

let me die
on a day like this
filled with sun
filled with warmth
a perfect time
for permanent sleep

Poem

Nature takes a break
today, no storms
no ferocity and revenge
but a smiling warm day
filled with reminders
of how much we lose
when we piss off
Mother Earth

Hanging in

... on a gray damp gloomy stressful day.

The sun, the sun!

Print ready

Have the script in order.

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The Soul of Playwriting

Guest at blog.

http://playsubmissionshelper.com/the-soul-of-playwriting/

Hmm

Found this

http://www.doollee.com/PlaywrightsD/deemer-charles.html

Poster image

What is missing here

Eggs, scrapple, hashbrowns, toast

Rye

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Morning

My best part of day. Baking bread, make breakfsst, morning Ms game ... then to get through rest of day.

Night

Stressful day. Glad it's over. Bake in morning, try to get grounded.

Eager

... to start rehearsing the script. Doing something I know how to do (for a change).

Celebration

Finished draft of NATURE WINS last night. Polish and time it today.

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Killer breakfasr

Scrapple and eggs. Nothing better.

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Sun

The sun! Really energizing. But rain tomorrow ...

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Poem

my fragility frightens me

I who has weathered storms
now crumble at a mere sneeze
of resistance

it's as if my will
has given up

as if Camus were wrong
and the struggle itself
will not fill a man's heart

it's as if all the questions
without answers
were not worth asking

and no ending justifies
anything

Update

Feeling good, despite kinks in my smoother goals. Ukulele progressing superbly. A project to create and rehearse. Busy with something other than the household mess.

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Project

Found 2 others ready for a theater project here. Will now make it happen.

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Poem

Let my old age
be filled with wonder

first at Nature
in all variety

next at ourselves
the human contradiction

creative and cruel
our own worst enemy

It was Pascal who said
our troubles begin
because we can't sit quietly
in an empty room

Amen

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Poem

How did old age
become so different
from all the ways
I imagined it?

Was it too extreme
to fantasize a quiet
life as a respected
old writer?

Nowhere in the fantasy
were the feelings
of irrelevance
of neglect
of impotence
that I feel today
in the picture.

How wrong I was.
How invisible I am.
I am not even here.
You are imagining me.

Good morning

Sketch's chair.

2 new tunes

Soldier's Joy and June Apple, both a hoot to play. Getting good!

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Soldier's Joy

Close to nice ukulele version.

Test

Trying a morning exercise class.

Progress

Harriet made downsizing progress this morning. Great!

Already

Seattle has the worst record in MLB. Nowhere to go but up.

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Mariners

Can't hold 5 run lead in 9th. Jeez.

Changes

I have no desire to write, despite some projects in mind, and this is a first. Two reasons, I think. My conclusion that literature matters little in this culture, so writing is like pissing into the wind. And, probably more significantly, my best writing is behind me. I cannot imagine writing better than SODOM or FAMILY CLIMATE, to mention fiction and drama. So why add to an archive that's already huge and seldom looked at? What's the point?

Fortunately I have energy for something else, which is getting good at clawhammer and jazz ukulele. New books coming, a vigorous study program shaping up, and I definitely need to engage it. Otherwise all I do around here is wait between meals. Eating, eating, eating. Beginning to feel like a curse.

I might put together a formal show. Or two. A new ukulele version of my Guthrie show, and a new show about roots music. We'll see. Be practicing on a regular basis, and long, is the first step.

The apartment is still a cluttered mess. Harriet is impossible. She leaves for a few days to go to a wedding and I plan to haul tons to storage in her absense, then duck at her anger upon return.

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Astounding

Fed tax return deposited today. 3 days!

Wind storm

No power.

Ukulele

Sounded great this morning. Time for new songs.

Realism

I don't think H is capable of downsizing. Her kids will deal with her stuff by default after she passes. Very unfortunate. It restricts our retirement options in major ways. I don't like it at all. But I see nothing to do about it. Bummer.

Clouds

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R.I.P. Yevtushenko

A Russian poet whose readings in soccer stadiums drew over one hundred thousand. Not in America.

The view

Changes

Little energy to write lately. But good energy to practice ukulele. Interesting.

Cheddar rye

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Today

vh

Sketch's chair

Finally free of boxes.

Sketch ...

... has a terrific new vet! She gets on the floor with him, no exam table. Located two blocks away, next to an irish pub. yowee!

Photos of the day

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Spectacular

Oregon women upset Maryland, on to Elite 8!

A lovely morning

Definite progress in our second week here. Living room a week or two from being presentable.

Strange rhythm

Breakfast, put 3-5 boxes in storage, lunch, downsize prep, dinner, TV, bed.

Update

This place is dangerous. The food is too damn good, three times a day with options, too easy to eat, rest, eat, rest. Need to make an effort to be active.

I did get the wifi set up yesterday, more easily than i expected, so it feels a bit like home with Kindle Fire TV and Alexa playing Gerry Mulligan. But clutter is still everywhere and will be for a while. Need to rearrange storage to make more room.

I can't find my netbook yet. Bummer. Some notes on it that I hope not to recreate.

Otherwise, hanging in. Harriet is warm and cold about this place. But slow trend toward the warm, I think.

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Slow progress

H is terrible at downsizing. All the clutter is her stuff, which she protects like a mother wolf. We may never get uncluttered here. Frankly I don't get it. Almost like a mental illness.

News

I stopped watching the news during the hectic week of moving and haven't started up again. I may be done as "an informed citizen." Too much irrational posturing in politics today.

Transitions

Continuing downsizing apt this week, a big job. Hope to be "moved in" by summer!

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Mellow

... is the middle name of this place. Love it.

A good place

I really like it here, and Harriet is getting into the rhythm and seeming to enjoy it more as well. Still a ton of work to downsize and make our apt liveable, which will take weeks or even months at our slow pace. That's okay. We can survive in it now fine.

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Update

Got my own cart for moving boxes. Much moire practical, convenient, given how much I have to do.

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Onward

Doing a few boxes a day. Eventually we'll be where we want to be.

Going to teach bread making class here. Talked into it.

Update

Bread looking good ...

Slow but sure

Will take a few months to get the apt right. No pressure really. But sooner better, as far as I'm concerned.

Settling in

Much, much work to get our apt right, what with H pack rat stuff. But we'll get there. Otherwise doing ok after first week.

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Changes

During hectic last week of move, missed all newscasts. So refreshing I ain't going back! Deleted my news apps.

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Transition from hell

On smart phone ... Empty house, waiting for cleaners. Next to make apt liveable. What an ordeal!!!!

Chaos

2 days left.

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Update

Life is full of surprises, and our retirement is no exception. After much thought, we decided not to move to Russellville. There's no doubt it's best suited for us in many ways: the "academic" activities, in house movie theater and sports bar, on Max line, eating options. But it also is considerably more expensive than many other places. When our basement sprung a leak, when it became clear that at R money would be very tight and emergencies a disaster, when our nest egg shrunk due to a variety of things, well, it made no financial sense to move to Russellville. So we opted instead for another place we liked, Vineyard Place in Milwaukie. The perks here are quiet scenic location but also across from library and next to movie house. And significantly less expensive, including all three meals. I think it will be fine. I will try and start a readers theater group and I plan to do volunteer work across the street at the library. It also is close to a small Unitarian church in Oregon City, which we'll check out.

The big move is Monday. I've been taking a carload of boxes over every day, another this morning.

We are close now!

Boxes

and boxes and ...

Boxes

... never end.

Close tomorrow

Tick tock.

Exhaustion

More to do but, man, I am pooped. There's old age for you. It sucks.

Utilities

Arranged final bills. Feeling more official all the time.

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Closer

A busy day. Switch the utilities, downsize dishware, which means struggling with H about what to keep ha ha. VA pickup tomorrow.

Sign Thursday. Buyers already signed. Close Friday.

Wow.

Cheese bread

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Mentor

From grad school ...

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Waiting room

H seeing her doc, get approved for continued driving.

Progress on house front. At last.

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Trumpland

Chaos in the White House: 'There's never been anything like this'

http://gu.com/p/6vq5y?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Bloggeroid

Tick tock

Trump's anti-press conference would be funny – if it weren't so scary

http://gu.com/p/6vym4?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Bloggeroid

Stability

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A literary giant

The fire this time – the legacy of James Baldwin

http://gu.com/p/6vfay?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Bloggeroid

Copy this day!

Today is how I envisioned moving being ... both working, jazz playing, dinner cooking ... but today is the first, a FUN day. More ...

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Exhaustion

What a busy, exhausting, productive day -- and it's only 2pm! But I am done and Harriet has gone to take a nap. We're old enough to have only a few hours in us, at least at a time, which is why we need all the time we can get to get out of here. It's all grunt work now, putting loose items in bags and boxes, but even this is enough for us. We are hopeless, remembering how we could work our tails off when younger. No longer. Amazing. Old is old, the new reality.

But today was great. The secret is to put these one after another. We don't have too much wiggle room if the deal goes through. It is not officially dead, as the buy still hems and haws as to buying a leaking basement. If he wants to come down, we can reject it, and he has the option to still buy at the original price. All the balls are in his court until a new offer, if one comes at all. We're down about as much as we want to go. What a mess.

What a mess. What a mess. I'm gone.

Good morning

Trying to get our taxes done, as well as continuing to pack as if getting out of here will happen sooner rather than later. I have no idea if that will happen. I have no idea about moving at all anymore. Nothing has been predictable and all surprises have been negative.

Reading Hofstadter again, I see that Trump comes from a long anti-intellectual tradition, he's just more extreme than most. But this kind of prejudice and ignorance is nothing new. A very unfortunate truth about American culture.

Man, I love this AS! I've said that before. Sure I'll say it again many times in the future. Writing here, and pecking on my Kindle, have absolutely nothing in common.

Harriet has gotten into gear, finally, and has worked on the house two days in a row, packing her antiques. Neither of us can work very long without getting tired and having to stop. That's why it takes us so long. We paid to get the basement downsized, several grand, and could pay several grand more to do this for us, and would if we were wealthy, but we're not and we also have time, so we keep plugging along.

I had to ask for my big deposit back from Russellville. They wanted us and did everything to get us there, but now I am thinking it is too expensive for us, given all the recent uncertainties. I still am driving a car whose transmission is about to go, according to our mechanic. I expected to happen by now. More uncertainty, more stress. If the car goes after we've moved, we still have transportation. Before, another expense and issue to solve. Knock on my wooden head. Which actually seems to accomplish zilch.

I reread KEROUAC'S SCROLL. Another strong novel. With SODOM, two novels any writer should be proud to have written. And I am. Each with almost no readers. Too bad. But I am not wasting my time by marketing anything. I live in a different universe with different value system.

I need to work on taxes today ... and the house goal is to organize the stuff left in the basement. Lots of work yet to do in kitchen and bathroom, getting loose stuff into boxes.

When I look around this house, I am overwhelmed by how much is left to do. Do we even have time if a quick sale goes through? And Harriet is no help, thinking there's no problem but at the same time doing precious little to help. I assume I have to do it all and be surprised otherwise, as in the last two days.

I am so eager to start a new life in a retirement community somewhere! So is she, actually. And she needs it more than I do. Her memory loss is a real personal setback.

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Yep

Mike Flynn might be done – but Trump's nightmare has just begun

http://gu.com/p/6v95q?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Bloggeroid

The time is right ...

... to revisit Richard Hofstadter's classic, Pulitzer book ANTI-INTELLECTUALISM IN AMERICAN LIFE. I begin tonight.

Limbo fever

Call me Limbo. Jesus, what a transition! Every time I see light at the end of the tunnel, I get blindsided and blinded by an attack of bats.

But hey! I am not a refugee, I don't live in Aleppo ... AND I AM NOT A REPUBLICAN!

Whenever, wherever, I'd like to start, or get involved in, a readers theater group, and from that see if there are some old farts as radical as I to do a little political street theater in Pioneer Square. Something to look forward to.

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UConn women

So exciting to watch. In tight game tonight with SC.

Limbo

But we continue to pack ... moving eventually.

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Update

I'm writing now on the AlphaSmart keyboard, which I haven't done in too long. Who said you can't go home zgain?

I am going to start a short story, I think, just to have a project, a diversion, from the recent stress. And an excuse to write on this wonderful keyboard every day. This is the best writing tool on the market! Precious few agree with me, if they know about it at all, but if you want to WRITE, and not be tempted away by the Internet, and you want hundreds of portable hours for 3 AAA batteries, well, this is your baby.

I hope a sale happens soon.

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Changes

Lots in flux but our attitudes are good. Details as appropriate.

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Good news

In the recent mess, some good news.

Finally got H's retirement payout set up right. Working on it since Dec.

The house finally got appraised, and higher than I expected.

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Sullivan on Trump

Andrew Sullivan: “Then there is the obvious question of the president’s mental and psychological health. I know we’re not supposed to bring this up — but it is staring us brutally in the face. I keep asking myself this simple question: If you came across someone in your everyday life who repeatedly said fantastically and demonstrably untrue things, what would you think of him? If you showed up at a neighbor’s, say, and your host showed you his newly painted living room, which was a deep blue, and then insisted repeatedly — manically — that it was a lovely shade of scarlet, what would your reaction be? If he then dragged out a member of his family and insisted she repeat this obvious untruth in front of you, how would you respond? If the next time you dropped by, he was still raving about his gorgeous new red walls, what would you think? Here’s what I’d think: This man is off his rocker. He’s deranged; he’s bizarrely living in an alternative universe; he’s delusional. If he kept this up, at some point you’d excuse yourself and edge slowly out of the room and the house and never return. You’d warn your other neighbors. You’d keep your distance. If you saw him, you’d be polite but keep your distance.”

“I think this is a fundamental reason why so many of us have been so unsettled, anxious, and near panic these past few months. It is not so much this president’s agenda. That always changes from administration to administration. It is that when the lynchpin of an entire country is literally delusional, clinically deceptive, and responds to any attempt to correct the record with rage and vengeance, everyone is always on edge.”

“There is no anchor any more. At the core of the administration of the most powerful country on earth, there is, instead, madness.”

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La de dah

I wonder what a day without surprises feels like.

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Nighty night

Not quite official yet but the deal is very likely dead.

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Deal breaker?

After a foot of snow followed by two heavy rain storms, minor basement leak (our realtor's flooded!):

Jazz

despite the news of the day
reporting the usual lies and atrocities
the wars, the crooked deals
the horrors happening to children
the collage of world suffering

and the lesser grief
in my personal plot of existence
the aches and pains of old age
the stress of finite finances
and always something going wrong
few surprises inviting welcome

the world going
"to hell in a hand basket"
and all that

despite it all

not one shred of horror
or grief or suffering
not one human complaint
not one human tragedy

compromises the joy
the wonder and the delight
the extraordinary gift of listening

to Gerry Mulligan's solo
on "My Funny Valentine"