What is missing here

Eggs, scrapple, hashbrowns, toast

Rye

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Morning

My best part of day. Baking bread, make breakfsst, morning Ms game ... then to get through rest of day.

Night

Stressful day. Glad it's over. Bake in morning, try to get grounded.

Eager

... to start rehearsing the script. Doing something I know how to do (for a change).

Celebration

Finished draft of NATURE WINS last night. Polish and time it today.

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Killer breakfasr

Scrapple and eggs. Nothing better.

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Sun

The sun! Really energizing. But rain tomorrow ...

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Poem

my fragility frightens me

I who has weathered storms
now crumble at a mere sneeze
of resistance

it's as if my will
has given up

as if Camus were wrong
and the struggle itself
will not fill a man's heart

it's as if all the questions
without answers
were not worth asking

and no ending justifies
anything

Update

Feeling good, despite kinks in my smoother goals. Ukulele progressing superbly. A project to create and rehearse. Busy with something other than the household mess.

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Project

Found 2 others ready for a theater project here. Will now make it happen.

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Poem

Let my old age
be filled with wonder

first at Nature
in all variety

next at ourselves
the human contradiction

creative and cruel
our own worst enemy

It was Pascal who said
our troubles begin
because we can't sit quietly
in an empty room

Amen

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Poem

How did old age
become so different
from all the ways
I imagined it?

Was it too extreme
to fantasize a quiet
life as a respected
old writer?

Nowhere in the fantasy
were the feelings
of irrelevance
of neglect
of impotence
that I feel today
in the picture.

How wrong I was.
How invisible I am.
I am not even here.
You are imagining me.

Good morning

Sketch's chair.

2 new tunes

Soldier's Joy and June Apple, both a hoot to play. Getting good!

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Soldier's Joy

Close to nice ukulele version.

Test

Trying a morning exercise class.

Progress

Harriet made downsizing progress this morning. Great!

Already

Seattle has the worst record in MLB. Nowhere to go but up.

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Mariners

Can't hold 5 run lead in 9th. Jeez.

Changes

I have no desire to write, despite some projects in mind, and this is a first. Two reasons, I think. My conclusion that literature matters little in this culture, so writing is like pissing into the wind. And, probably more significantly, my best writing is behind me. I cannot imagine writing better than SODOM or FAMILY CLIMATE, to mention fiction and drama. So why add to an archive that's already huge and seldom looked at? What's the point?

Fortunately I have energy for something else, which is getting good at clawhammer and jazz ukulele. New books coming, a vigorous study program shaping up, and I definitely need to engage it. Otherwise all I do around here is wait between meals. Eating, eating, eating. Beginning to feel like a curse.

I might put together a formal show. Or two. A new ukulele version of my Guthrie show, and a new show about roots music. We'll see. Be practicing on a regular basis, and long, is the first step.

The apartment is still a cluttered mess. Harriet is impossible. She leaves for a few days to go to a wedding and I plan to haul tons to storage in her absense, then duck at her anger upon return.

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Astounding

Fed tax return deposited today. 3 days!

Wind storm

No power.

Ukulele

Sounded great this morning. Time for new songs.

Realism

I don't think H is capable of downsizing. Her kids will deal with her stuff by default after she passes. Very unfortunate. It restricts our retirement options in major ways. I don't like it at all. But I see nothing to do about it. Bummer.

Clouds

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R.I.P. Yevtushenko

A Russian poet whose readings in soccer stadiums drew over one hundred thousand. Not in America.

The view